Sunday, March 20, 2011
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Istanbul
I made it to Istanbul, I haven't seen much of it yet, but my hotel is just across the street from several mosques and the famous Grand Bazaar. Through the open window in my hotel room I can hear the muslim call to evening prayer, its a haunting megaphone sound that rings through the city, echoing off temples and ancient mosques built by Constantine himself, the ghostly harmony screeches over distant sirens and car horns. It feels so solemn and sacred. Like a sound that hasen't changed since the beginning of time. I cant decide if its music or just spoken word...somewhere in between. Its beautiful while at the same time sends chills down my spine. I feel really far from home.
On a lighter note, I got to the airport, thinking I was just going to jump in a cab until I heard my name being announced over the intercom... I thought to myself, I'm alone in one of the most foreign countries I have ever been and I just heard, "Charles Brewer!...please come to the information desk!" Once I turned the corner I saw this man, and it all made sense :)
On a lighter note, I got to the airport, thinking I was just going to jump in a cab until I heard my name being announced over the intercom... I thought to myself, I'm alone in one of the most foreign countries I have ever been and I just heard, "Charles Brewer!...please come to the information desk!" Once I turned the corner I saw this man, and it all made sense :)
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
the beauty to come
Its been a while since I have written here, its not that I havent been inspired, I just havent come up for air yet. You have to take a step back every once in a while to even notice what your painting looks like.
I could write a book about what has happened over the past 6 months of my life, but I dont have time for that now. Im in my cold, quiet, Boston apartment, I havent packed and a plane ticket awaits me. It reads November 3rd, 9:20pm, Charles Campbell Brewer, Istanbul Turkey.
Im going on a trip... a big trip. This is the point that I begin to realize what is actually going to take place over the next 3 1/2 weeks. What is to come overwhelms me... the unknown has been creeping slowly in my direction, now its here and I have a choice to step on the plane or tear my ticket in half and stay comfortable at home.
Not sure who it is who said this But I love this quote:
“The test of an adventure is that when you're in the middle of it, you say to yourself, ''Oh, now I've got myself into an awful mess; I wish I were sitting quietly at home.'' And the sign that something's wrong with you is when you sit quietly at home and wish."
I really dont know the world that I am about to step into, the only things I predict is that it will be beautifully turbulent ... unlike any place I have ever been. I hope to capture the true essence of the places my feet are fortunate to walk. I hope to share my videos and images with you when I get back. I feel so blessed to be able to step on that plane tonight.
The beauty to come fascinates me, it makes life worth living. My journey will take me to 4 countries, Turkey, Israel, Jordan and England. A perspective altering trip to say the least, some people wait a lifetime for this experience. I am blessed to be headed east tonight.
I will try to keep you updated on what I am experiencing!!
I could write a book about what has happened over the past 6 months of my life, but I dont have time for that now. Im in my cold, quiet, Boston apartment, I havent packed and a plane ticket awaits me. It reads November 3rd, 9:20pm, Charles Campbell Brewer, Istanbul Turkey.
Im going on a trip... a big trip. This is the point that I begin to realize what is actually going to take place over the next 3 1/2 weeks. What is to come overwhelms me... the unknown has been creeping slowly in my direction, now its here and I have a choice to step on the plane or tear my ticket in half and stay comfortable at home.
Not sure who it is who said this But I love this quote:
“The test of an adventure is that when you're in the middle of it, you say to yourself, ''Oh, now I've got myself into an awful mess; I wish I were sitting quietly at home.'' And the sign that something's wrong with you is when you sit quietly at home and wish."
I really dont know the world that I am about to step into, the only things I predict is that it will be beautifully turbulent ... unlike any place I have ever been. I hope to capture the true essence of the places my feet are fortunate to walk. I hope to share my videos and images with you when I get back. I feel so blessed to be able to step on that plane tonight.
The beauty to come fascinates me, it makes life worth living. My journey will take me to 4 countries, Turkey, Israel, Jordan and England. A perspective altering trip to say the least, some people wait a lifetime for this experience. I am blessed to be headed east tonight.
I will try to keep you updated on what I am experiencing!!
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
The River Why
Its not fish you're after…"
Set on the banks of a wild river, The River Why is the story of 20 year old Gus Orviston, the Mozart of flyfishing, who leaves his big city home in rebellion from his family to live in a secluded cabin on the banks of a wild river.
In the process he comes in contact with an assortment of eccentric characters who help him in his journey to adulthood.
Most of all, The River Why is a love story. The love of a man for the wilderness, and for a beautiful woman who comes to share it with him.
Gus Orviston, the hero and narrator of the The River Why, is born with this observation:
“The surface of the earth is 30% land and 70% water. A newborn baby is composed of 70% water and 30% everything else. I guess this means that life and water are inseparable.”
Keep an eye out for a screening near by, it will be worth the drive!
SCREENINGS:
Ashland Independent Film FestivalCatch a Special Preview “Thank you, Oregon” screening of The River Why on April 9th at 12:00noon & April 10th at 6:oopm.
Dallas International Film Festival
Purchase tickets for the World Premiere of The River Why showing April 14th at 7:30pm & April 15th at 7:00pm.
Purchase tickets for the World Premiere of The River Why showing April 14th at 7:30pm & April 15th at 7:00pm.
Newport Beach Film Festival
has announced our screening time for The River Why. So far we have one screening scheduled for Friday, April 23 at 6:00pm.
has announced our screening time for The River Why. So far we have one screening scheduled for Friday, April 23 at 6:00pm.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Walk these waters
Spring is here, the mountains are melting, the waters are rising, flies are hatching, and the trout are feeding... it's fly fishing season!
Three years ago for the first time, I put a fly rod in my hand ... and fell in love.
Rocky Mountain National Park was my first fly fishing trip ... I was hooked. This sport has it all for me. My early love for golf created a seamless transition into my second love of fly fishing. In both sports, your alone, walking through nature, exploring new territory and testing your ability with each new hole.
This past weekend Xan and I took another trip up to Rocky Mountain National Park to remember the essence of why we fly fish.
We met up with the man who taught us both how to catch a trout with a fly rod. He taught us everything, how to cast, where to cast, what to use while casting, and what the hell to do once we've casted. He taught us how to tie flies and how to dry flies, how to stalk fish, and how to release fish once they've been stalked, how to kiss fish, how preform a "rub-down" before its release. But mostly he taught us how to be patient on the water and how important it is to just be still, waist deep in a cold mountain stream, never loosing perspective of the beauty surrounding. This man taught Xan and I both what it means to be fly fishermen. His name is Ron Smith, we now call him ... the Legend.
I'm waist deep in the Big Thompson River running through Estes Park and I roll cast to a hole full of at least 25 brown and rainbow trout. The water whips into the air clinging to my line creating a vivid stripping noise. The strike indicator bobs at the top of the run, I strip my fly line to keep up with the current, after this ... the world disappears, nothing else matters, I go unconscious.
Entranced in anticipation, my strike indicator sinks like a torpedoed boat and I set the hook. Flashes of a gold struggle shine from the depths, chills rise from my feet and my heart races. Its been 7 months since I've fought this beautiful fight. Stripping line from my reel, the brown darts down stream, the sound of my releasing drag unleashes my chills over my entire body. I fight to stay even with this wild creature by running down stream, he shoots back up stream, I jump over boulders splashing against the current back to where I came, we stay even. Rod tip bent, I reel in my excess line as he darts toward me attempting all angles of escape. For what felt like an hour ... we danced.
Fly fishing is not like hunting. Its a common bond between man and creation. We walk these waters to dance with the beauty swimming below, to prove we can win a battle, to struggle with nature, to be in it, to look up from our trance and notice the sky, the mountains, and the trees surrounding. We cast our line for one soul connecting moment, we cast our lines for the finale of the dance, at the end of a successful battle, for that one moment we get to hold a wild creature in our hands, wonder at its color, feel its power, then ... set it free.
It's a process that brings us back to the stream. To dance again.
Why do we walk these waters? ...this trailer from Felt Soul Media captures the essence of we fly fishermen do what we do and keep coming back:
Eastern Rises | teaser from felt soul media on Vimeo.
Three years ago for the first time, I put a fly rod in my hand ... and fell in love.
Rocky Mountain National Park was my first fly fishing trip ... I was hooked. This sport has it all for me. My early love for golf created a seamless transition into my second love of fly fishing. In both sports, your alone, walking through nature, exploring new territory and testing your ability with each new hole.
This past weekend Xan and I took another trip up to Rocky Mountain National Park to remember the essence of why we fly fish.
I'm waist deep in the Big Thompson River running through Estes Park and I roll cast to a hole full of at least 25 brown and rainbow trout. The water whips into the air clinging to my line creating a vivid stripping noise. The strike indicator bobs at the top of the run, I strip my fly line to keep up with the current, after this ... the world disappears, nothing else matters, I go unconscious.
Entranced in anticipation, my strike indicator sinks like a torpedoed boat and I set the hook. Flashes of a gold struggle shine from the depths, chills rise from my feet and my heart races. Its been 7 months since I've fought this beautiful fight. Stripping line from my reel, the brown darts down stream, the sound of my releasing drag unleashes my chills over my entire body. I fight to stay even with this wild creature by running down stream, he shoots back up stream, I jump over boulders splashing against the current back to where I came, we stay even. Rod tip bent, I reel in my excess line as he darts toward me attempting all angles of escape. For what felt like an hour ... we danced.
Fly fishing is not like hunting. Its a common bond between man and creation. We walk these waters to dance with the beauty swimming below, to prove we can win a battle, to struggle with nature, to be in it, to look up from our trance and notice the sky, the mountains, and the trees surrounding. We cast our line for one soul connecting moment, we cast our lines for the finale of the dance, at the end of a successful battle, for that one moment we get to hold a wild creature in our hands, wonder at its color, feel its power, then ... set it free.
It's a process that brings us back to the stream. To dance again.
Why do we walk these waters? ...this trailer from Felt Soul Media captures the essence of we fly fishermen do what we do and keep coming back:
Eastern Rises | teaser from felt soul media on Vimeo.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
180 Degrees South ... more than a Film
This film will be epic, I cant wait for it! This is the essence of what adventuring this beautiful planet is all about. Once you've seen a place you respect it, you begin to understand it. Its people, its land, and its confrontational wild. Yvon Chouinard paved the way for land conservation long before it was popular to do so. This film by Woodshed Films is based on the 1968 journey Chouinard took from Ventura California to the top of Mt. Fitz Roy in Patagonia.
180 Degrees South trailer:
180° SOUTH from Surfpresss on Vimeo.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Living this life to the fullest ... how do we do that in our lives?
ReddBrew Productions "Always Brew it Redd"
This is ReddBrew's first podcast, many more to come! Hope you enjoy!
Click Here to listen: Living this life to the fullest ... how do we do that in our lives?
Posted using ShareThis
This is ReddBrew's first podcast, many more to come! Hope you enjoy!
Click Here to listen: Living this life to the fullest ... how do we do that in our lives?
Posted using ShareThis
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Bookends
It's been three and a half years since the left side of my face was a different color than the right. With a splash of water I to try to even out the color ... it could just be dirt. My second glance into the foggy mirror of a gas station somewhere in the plains of west Texas proves to be no different. The face staring back at me is red on the left side. The perfect line down the middle resembles faint war paint, and I'm convinced this sunburn symbolizes something more.
As I dry off my blonde 3 week old excuse for a beard I feel a strange sense of dejavu. I know I've never ventured this far into the Texas plains, but for some reason the rolling tumbleweeds take me back.
"That'll be $46.50" the clerk says with a smirk, after she did a double take at the condition of my face ... guess she sees these bicolor faces a lot. Walking back to my car I'm almost knocked over by the hard January wind and it hits me. I've been here before. Not physically, but I've been on this journey. Last time it was harder, last time it was Kansas. This time it felt different, this time it was Texas. Both times felt like an empty eternity.
At a crossroads I check both ways to pull out from the station. I can actually see the horizon both east and west, no cars either way, so I pull out on the flat as a pancake country road and push the pedal. I'm headed west ... to the mountains.
Traveling west seems to act as a hand turning the page in my life. Both times a pit in my stomach, both times my face changing color, my eyes opened, my story rewritten. This time I feel more confident, but mountains are unpredictable, I hope I'm ready for what awaits on the edge of these steep rocky slopes.
Three and a half years ago I left comfort for the first time and chose risk. I was scared, I thought about turning my car around, but God had different plans. The journey to the steep places of the west seem to have an affect on my life. But it's the struggle in these steep places that not only color my face, they shape my heart. Mountains seem to be my story's bookends.
Its the lie of this land that seems to encourage a lifestyle beyond the country club. It's a flee from comfort for me, a bold step towards risk. A journey isn't a journey at all unless fear covers, brings a shudder and spills tears. Once one tastes his tears in the face of the unknown and risks enough to trudge forward he will never go back. Maybe this is why I keep finding my face red on the left.
As I dry off my blonde 3 week old excuse for a beard I feel a strange sense of dejavu. I know I've never ventured this far into the Texas plains, but for some reason the rolling tumbleweeds take me back.
"That'll be $46.50" the clerk says with a smirk, after she did a double take at the condition of my face ... guess she sees these bicolor faces a lot. Walking back to my car I'm almost knocked over by the hard January wind and it hits me. I've been here before. Not physically, but I've been on this journey. Last time it was harder, last time it was Kansas. This time it felt different, this time it was Texas. Both times felt like an empty eternity.
At a crossroads I check both ways to pull out from the station. I can actually see the horizon both east and west, no cars either way, so I pull out on the flat as a pancake country road and push the pedal. I'm headed west ... to the mountains.
Traveling west seems to act as a hand turning the page in my life. Both times a pit in my stomach, both times my face changing color, my eyes opened, my story rewritten. This time I feel more confident, but mountains are unpredictable, I hope I'm ready for what awaits on the edge of these steep rocky slopes.
Three and a half years ago I left comfort for the first time and chose risk. I was scared, I thought about turning my car around, but God had different plans. The journey to the steep places of the west seem to have an affect on my life. But it's the struggle in these steep places that not only color my face, they shape my heart. Mountains seem to be my story's bookends.
Its the lie of this land that seems to encourage a lifestyle beyond the country club. It's a flee from comfort for me, a bold step towards risk. A journey isn't a journey at all unless fear covers, brings a shudder and spills tears. Once one tastes his tears in the face of the unknown and risks enough to trudge forward he will never go back. Maybe this is why I keep finding my face red on the left.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
they're always calling
The Mountains are always calling.
Its a spiritual feeling standing at the base looking up. Their it is. A Mountain. Still as in waiting. Always pulling something out in me. Engaging me ... initiating a stirring. What is it about this pile of rocks that makes me wonder? From a distance I hear the voice, in the plains It speaks, in the canyons It echos, and no matter how far I run the Mountains will always be calling.
It doesn't need me, but I need It. Outlasting time, It is patient. A quiet presence forever looming. I close my eyes tight to be sure I'm not dreaming ... once opened I see It greater than before. Reality of this calling mounts, I must approach it, confront it, understand it.
A mountain brings fear, get close enough and you will understand. To turn back would mean nothing... clarity comes and I begin to interpret my place in Its forests.
What is it about a Mountain? Can one get used to Its faces? Pity the man who ignores the Peak. Who turns down this obvious invitation. ...Welcome Its presence my people! Question its expanse! Trek through its passes! Answer the voice inside you! Damn those who grow numb to allure, who fail to see wonders, curse those who refuse true beauty!
What is it about a Mountain that makes me want to see the other side? Why am I compelled to pack my bags? What is it about a Mountain that opens my speechless mouth? Is It real? Reality evokes trial, and trial is evidence of the blazed path. Trembling with discomfort I leave the world of masks to enter into a realm of uncertainty. Risk is what this Mountain brings ... the closer I get ... the higher I climb ... the louder it calls.
Mountains demand greatness from the climbers seeking to summit. The higher I climb the stronger the test. It would be easy to just stand at its base to hear Its faint voice, calling. But only when I answer does the blood flow. Only when I turn and face it does my skin split. I must welcome struggle for I know where I am going. No matter how far I run east the Mountain will always stand, and always be calling. I must go West, listen to the Mountain and expect nothing short of the summit.
Its a spiritual feeling standing at the base looking up. Their it is. A Mountain. Still as in waiting. Always pulling something out in me. Engaging me ... initiating a stirring. What is it about this pile of rocks that makes me wonder? From a distance I hear the voice, in the plains It speaks, in the canyons It echos, and no matter how far I run the Mountains will always be calling.
It doesn't need me, but I need It. Outlasting time, It is patient. A quiet presence forever looming. I close my eyes tight to be sure I'm not dreaming ... once opened I see It greater than before. Reality of this calling mounts, I must approach it, confront it, understand it.
A mountain brings fear, get close enough and you will understand. To turn back would mean nothing... clarity comes and I begin to interpret my place in Its forests.
What is it about a Mountain? Can one get used to Its faces? Pity the man who ignores the Peak. Who turns down this obvious invitation. ...Welcome Its presence my people! Question its expanse! Trek through its passes! Answer the voice inside you! Damn those who grow numb to allure, who fail to see wonders, curse those who refuse true beauty!
What is it about a Mountain that makes me want to see the other side? Why am I compelled to pack my bags? What is it about a Mountain that opens my speechless mouth? Is It real? Reality evokes trial, and trial is evidence of the blazed path. Trembling with discomfort I leave the world of masks to enter into a realm of uncertainty. Risk is what this Mountain brings ... the closer I get ... the higher I climb ... the louder it calls.
Mountains demand greatness from the climbers seeking to summit. The higher I climb the stronger the test. It would be easy to just stand at its base to hear Its faint voice, calling. But only when I answer does the blood flow. Only when I turn and face it does my skin split. I must welcome struggle for I know where I am going. No matter how far I run east the Mountain will always stand, and always be calling. I must go West, listen to the Mountain and expect nothing short of the summit.
Monday, December 21, 2009
a scenic detour
I'm in Anchorage, Alaska. We just landed. Wild air penetrates the cabin. Through the vent above my head I breath in this untamed place. My forehead is smashed to the window. The unruly air fogs my view refusing to remain captive in my lungs. Snow capped peaks envelop our runway. I feel small. I want to stay. A wilderness surrounds me. Its savage spirit chills my bones. Its already in my blood. My senses are perking. Chills run free. My eyes water with possibility. My thoughts race to exhaustion. An untouched land just beyond my reach. A wild that demands respect. Valleys yearning to be explored. Mountains begging to be climbed. Rivers red with salmon taunt. My breathing slows ... with mind in muse I trek from the tarmac to the Bering Sea, summit McKinley, and face down a bear. Wondering at the beauty framed by plastic, what could this be like if I were free to roam? ... Through this foggy United Airlines window I dream of adventure in Americas last wild place ... I have to get off this plane.
I glance down at my feet to find I'm wearing my only pair of shoes. Chacos. I have shorts on, and I packed light. I brought nothing that could last in this landscape. A 55+ degree sleeping bag, a swim suit, and a hammock ... I'd be dead in less than 24. The thought of bum rushing a flight attendant and tearing through the cabin door crosses my mind. My sweaty hand grasps the cold metal buckle provoking my body to listen to my heart. But I stop, suppressing a primal urge to make a run for it ... This is not my stop. A foreign place on another continent is calling. A distant 13 hours and another stop away. I relax back into my seat, a smile grows on my face and I know I'll be back to these wilds soon. For now this American wilderness will have to wait. My journey is continuing to the land of the orient, where Bengal tigers roam and elephants graze; filled with islands, tropical beaches, and thick jungle. A place where Buddha is worshiped and monkeys swing. I'm headed west ... to Thailand.
Refueled, the engines fire up, the captain apologizes for the delay and as fast as the Brooks range rose from the earth ... like a dream it was gone.
This scenic detour wasn't in our original flight plan. While over the Canadian wilderness a drama unfolded causing us to drop fuel over northern Canada and preform this emergency landing in Anchorage.
The scene opens up like this:
Andrew and I were woken up somewhere over the northern Canadian tundra by a 31 year old woman who had passed out in the isle right next to us. The flight attendants rushed to help her, they got her to her feet only to see her eyes go white and shut. ... out cold. What unraveled beside us felt like a scene from ER or Grey's Anatomy. We had been cast as extras and told to "just stay calm."
Scene II:
The PA system loudly asked, "We need a doctor in the back of the plane! Is their anyone on board who is a doctor?" This queued the EMT nurse, who looked like your average soccer mom. While she assessed the situation a short and stocky flight attendant came up urgently with a green cylinder of compressed oxygen. Beads of sweat dripped down his face showing his audience that he had no clue how to handle the situation, unprepared, he did what he could to help. The nurse checked the patient's pulse ... she was fading fast.
Scene III:
The PA system sounded again: "We need a doctor! ... anyone with medical experience PLEASE!" The hero stepped into the shot, a taller than average oriental man who looked the part, exuding confidence he spoke in clear English, "I'm a cardiologist." Perfect! Patiently he asked a flight attendant to bring him the first aid equipment. Scooting the EMT nurse to the side the doctor checked the patient's pulse at the wrist. He began to ask the patient questions, she gave a slurred answer and before she could finnish he popped her on the cheek to wake her up. Her eyes opened as she tried to regain consciousness ... she slipped back into her hazy state again.
By this time the stressed out flight attendant gave the doctor a white box reading, "First Aid," he opened it up and let out a big sigh of disappointment. "These are just bandages!! Where is the First Aid gear? Lets get it over here now! I need pills, I need an I.V.!"
Scene IV:
My front row seat was taken from me, we had to get up to make room for the next scene ... I never saw cameras but I know they had to be there somewhere, you know how these reality TV shows are today, everything is as real as possible, so I happily moved.
The I.V. was issued and she recovered her blood pressure, it was good to see her acting her old self again, its tough to see anyone in that state.
I moved and stood at the back of the plane my eyes fixed out the window as we approached the Alaskan mountains. I glued my face to the plastic pane searching for Denali, from 30,000 ft. they all looked like Everest.
As I was looking at the grandeur, the captain announced that we would be making an emergency landing in Anchorage, to get our main character to the hospital. Suddenly the fuel, like ribbons tied to the wings, spilled out in dramatic fashion ... I was going to Alaska!
end scene.
I glance down at my feet to find I'm wearing my only pair of shoes. Chacos. I have shorts on, and I packed light. I brought nothing that could last in this landscape. A 55+ degree sleeping bag, a swim suit, and a hammock ... I'd be dead in less than 24. The thought of bum rushing a flight attendant and tearing through the cabin door crosses my mind. My sweaty hand grasps the cold metal buckle provoking my body to listen to my heart. But I stop, suppressing a primal urge to make a run for it ... This is not my stop. A foreign place on another continent is calling. A distant 13 hours and another stop away. I relax back into my seat, a smile grows on my face and I know I'll be back to these wilds soon. For now this American wilderness will have to wait. My journey is continuing to the land of the orient, where Bengal tigers roam and elephants graze; filled with islands, tropical beaches, and thick jungle. A place where Buddha is worshiped and monkeys swing. I'm headed west ... to Thailand.
Refueled, the engines fire up, the captain apologizes for the delay and as fast as the Brooks range rose from the earth ... like a dream it was gone.
This scenic detour wasn't in our original flight plan. While over the Canadian wilderness a drama unfolded causing us to drop fuel over northern Canada and preform this emergency landing in Anchorage.
The scene opens up like this:
Andrew and I were woken up somewhere over the northern Canadian tundra by a 31 year old woman who had passed out in the isle right next to us. The flight attendants rushed to help her, they got her to her feet only to see her eyes go white and shut. ... out cold. What unraveled beside us felt like a scene from ER or Grey's Anatomy. We had been cast as extras and told to "just stay calm."
Scene II:
The PA system loudly asked, "We need a doctor in the back of the plane! Is their anyone on board who is a doctor?" This queued the EMT nurse, who looked like your average soccer mom. While she assessed the situation a short and stocky flight attendant came up urgently with a green cylinder of compressed oxygen. Beads of sweat dripped down his face showing his audience that he had no clue how to handle the situation, unprepared, he did what he could to help. The nurse checked the patient's pulse ... she was fading fast.
Scene III:
The PA system sounded again: "We need a doctor! ... anyone with medical experience PLEASE!" The hero stepped into the shot, a taller than average oriental man who looked the part, exuding confidence he spoke in clear English, "I'm a cardiologist." Perfect! Patiently he asked a flight attendant to bring him the first aid equipment. Scooting the EMT nurse to the side the doctor checked the patient's pulse at the wrist. He began to ask the patient questions, she gave a slurred answer and before she could finnish he popped her on the cheek to wake her up. Her eyes opened as she tried to regain consciousness ... she slipped back into her hazy state again.
By this time the stressed out flight attendant gave the doctor a white box reading, "First Aid," he opened it up and let out a big sigh of disappointment. "These are just bandages!! Where is the First Aid gear? Lets get it over here now! I need pills, I need an I.V.!"
Scene IV:
My front row seat was taken from me, we had to get up to make room for the next scene ... I never saw cameras but I know they had to be there somewhere, you know how these reality TV shows are today, everything is as real as possible, so I happily moved.
The I.V. was issued and she recovered her blood pressure, it was good to see her acting her old self again, its tough to see anyone in that state.
I moved and stood at the back of the plane my eyes fixed out the window as we approached the Alaskan mountains. I glued my face to the plastic pane searching for Denali, from 30,000 ft. they all looked like Everest.
As I was looking at the grandeur, the captain announced that we would be making an emergency landing in Anchorage, to get our main character to the hospital. Suddenly the fuel, like ribbons tied to the wings, spilled out in dramatic fashion ... I was going to Alaska!
end scene.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
"It takes a village to raise a child"
So far my summer has been about following the path of older men who have gone before me. Its been about learning from their stories, and discovering who I want to become. These men are offering me a road to follow, and its my job to do the same with younger men.
Sunday night a man named Mark O'Neil and his 15 year old son James came over to cook dinner for us. It was our chance to give James what older men have been offering us and to speak words into his life. We sat around the fire pit on the back deck of the cabin and shared with James our stories and what led us to Training Ground. For the first time we offered advice and gave to a younger man what we had received from older men.
We all noticed it and we were all proud of ourselves...to watch each other give James words of affirmation and advice was a sure turning point in this journey. This offering of what we have received is the essence of Training Ground. We are being prepared to be sent into the world with a message to offer others. We are being raised by a "village" of men who see the importance of fathering, and now it is our turn to do the same for those who are younger.
We have grown so much in the last 2 months...it is beautiful to see the process unfold and to know that who we were in May and who we are now are two entirely different people...we have much to offer, because we have been shown the way, we know our own hearts, and we want to bring others into who we are becoming.
Sunday night a man named Mark O'Neil and his 15 year old son James came over to cook dinner for us. It was our chance to give James what older men have been offering us and to speak words into his life. We sat around the fire pit on the back deck of the cabin and shared with James our stories and what led us to Training Ground. For the first time we offered advice and gave to a younger man what we had received from older men.
We all noticed it and we were all proud of ourselves...to watch each other give James words of affirmation and advice was a sure turning point in this journey. This offering of what we have received is the essence of Training Ground. We are being prepared to be sent into the world with a message to offer others. We are being raised by a "village" of men who see the importance of fathering, and now it is our turn to do the same for those who are younger.
We have grown so much in the last 2 months...it is beautiful to see the process unfold and to know that who we were in May and who we are now are two entirely different people...we have much to offer, because we have been shown the way, we know our own hearts, and we want to bring others into who we are becoming.
Monday, July 9, 2007
The Great Mystery
So this week we have been seeking out the heart of a woman...
Saturday night we were hanging out at the cabin and Cory and Xan got us together and let us in on what they had planned for the evening. I was convinced that what ever it was that was about to come out of their mouths, first of all, I could handle without a problem, and second of all, it would be something that I was use to or comfortable with.
But what they had planned was something completely different and like nothing that we've faced in the past months with wilderness or work...they had arranged for 4 women around our age to come over and we had to take them out on one on one "dates". We had 1 hour to clean the cabin, cars, and ourselves before they came to the house! We were freaking out!
I truly felt like I had landed on the set of a reality TV show like the "Real World" and "The Bachelor" To tell you the truth I really wish we did have cameras in the house when they told us that we had to take a out that we had never seen, I'm sure our faces were priceless, and to capture the conversations between all the guys in he cabin while we were getting ready would have been great...we were sweating, giving each other pep talks, asking a million questions, and the greatest part about before the s arrived was that Dan and Adam didn't even know that they were going to be one on one with their date, they thought it was going to be a big group date. After they found that bit of info out the panic grew to a new level!
The women came over and it really sank in that this was actually happening...i mean you've got to put yourself in our world that we have been living in for the last 2 months, we've barely even seen a this entire time, much less taken one out for dinner and engage, its been guy time all the time, I was rusty for sure.
The night was very enjoyable and it was a new challenge for me, and it seemed to take my risk seeking heart to a new place. These women were amazing and sharp, they knew themselves and what they needed in a man. It was so refreshing to be in a place not of romantic interest but in a place of true engagement of a woman and her heart.
We are all learning what it takes to become a man, and its not just about getting in the stream or backpacking through the wilderness, but I believe that where you find evidence of a real man is in his ability to pursue a woman and her heart. Seeking out who she is, and giving her what she needs. This is a mystery for me and I was stretched and challenged in an area that this summer I have not been faced with...until now.
In my one on one time with Cory yesterday afternoon I was asking him what it looks like to take risks in life, and how to do that. He brought up a good point. He said that for me I need to look at the places in my life that make me uncomfortable and risk in those areas. He made me realize that the areas that I have been risking out here are the places that I am very comfortable with, such as the wilderness or the community of other men. But I'm finding that I need to risk much in the areas of relationships with people when it comes to engaging their hearts.
So last night was perfect, even if it did feel like a reality show, I got a glimpse of a strong woman's heart, and the weight of what has been lost over the years in dating and how men pursue and court a woman. As men we must step up and know what women need so that we will be able to offer it to them. This world is filled with passive men, and the sad thing is that women are settling for these sad excuses for a man....What if the bar was set higher and women expected more from men? Its a good question, and the beauty of it is that men and women both want their hearts to be desired and strongly pursued, they just don't know what this looks or even feels like. So the sad part is the settling, the accepting of less than is desired or even deserved.
The women who came Saturday night knew who they were and they were confident in themselves enough to know what they wanted and desired in a man. The question for us was..did we have what they desired and needed from us? This reinstates the point that if we truly knew ourselves and what we really need from the opposite gender then we would never settle. Because these women expected to be engaged heart to heart with a man, and if a man cannot offer this engagement to a woman then a woman who is in touch with her heart knows that she is wasting her time...the problem is that most men and women are not in touch with their own hearts enough to even desipher their need.
So the question I've been seeking is "What do I need from a woman?" and "How do I engage a woman's heart and her desire?" im sure ill be asking these questions for the rest of my life...
The greatest part of this weekend was that we entered into a new area of our journey... we are beginning to put what we have learned over the past 8 weeks into action and share our own stories and growth with others, and hopefully bless them through it.
Saturday night we were hanging out at the cabin and Cory and Xan got us together and let us in on what they had planned for the evening. I was convinced that what ever it was that was about to come out of their mouths, first of all, I could handle without a problem, and second of all, it would be something that I was use to or comfortable with.
But what they had planned was something completely different and like nothing that we've faced in the past months with wilderness or work...they had arranged for 4 women around our age to come over and we had to take them out on one on one "dates". We had 1 hour to clean the cabin, cars, and ourselves before they came to the house! We were freaking out!
I truly felt like I had landed on the set of a reality TV show like the "Real World" and "The Bachelor" To tell you the truth I really wish we did have cameras in the house when they told us that we had to take a out that we had never seen, I'm sure our faces were priceless, and to capture the conversations between all the guys in he cabin while we were getting ready would have been great...we were sweating, giving each other pep talks, asking a million questions, and the greatest part about before the s arrived was that Dan and Adam didn't even know that they were going to be one on one with their date, they thought it was going to be a big group date. After they found that bit of info out the panic grew to a new level!
The women came over and it really sank in that this was actually happening...i mean you've got to put yourself in our world that we have been living in for the last 2 months, we've barely even seen a this entire time, much less taken one out for dinner and engage, its been guy time all the time, I was rusty for sure.
The night was very enjoyable and it was a new challenge for me, and it seemed to take my risk seeking heart to a new place. These women were amazing and sharp, they knew themselves and what they needed in a man. It was so refreshing to be in a place not of romantic interest but in a place of true engagement of a woman and her heart.
We are all learning what it takes to become a man, and its not just about getting in the stream or backpacking through the wilderness, but I believe that where you find evidence of a real man is in his ability to pursue a woman and her heart. Seeking out who she is, and giving her what she needs. This is a mystery for me and I was stretched and challenged in an area that this summer I have not been faced with...until now.
In my one on one time with Cory yesterday afternoon I was asking him what it looks like to take risks in life, and how to do that. He brought up a good point. He said that for me I need to look at the places in my life that make me uncomfortable and risk in those areas. He made me realize that the areas that I have been risking out here are the places that I am very comfortable with, such as the wilderness or the community of other men. But I'm finding that I need to risk much in the areas of relationships with people when it comes to engaging their hearts.
So last night was perfect, even if it did feel like a reality show, I got a glimpse of a strong woman's heart, and the weight of what has been lost over the years in dating and how men pursue and court a woman. As men we must step up and know what women need so that we will be able to offer it to them. This world is filled with passive men, and the sad thing is that women are settling for these sad excuses for a man....What if the bar was set higher and women expected more from men? Its a good question, and the beauty of it is that men and women both want their hearts to be desired and strongly pursued, they just don't know what this looks or even feels like. So the sad part is the settling, the accepting of less than is desired or even deserved.
The women who came Saturday night knew who they were and they were confident in themselves enough to know what they wanted and desired in a man. The question for us was..did we have what they desired and needed from us? This reinstates the point that if we truly knew ourselves and what we really need from the opposite gender then we would never settle. Because these women expected to be engaged heart to heart with a man, and if a man cannot offer this engagement to a woman then a woman who is in touch with her heart knows that she is wasting her time...the problem is that most men and women are not in touch with their own hearts enough to even desipher their need.
So the question I've been seeking is "What do I need from a woman?" and "How do I engage a woman's heart and her desire?" im sure ill be asking these questions for the rest of my life...
The greatest part of this weekend was that we entered into a new area of our journey... we are beginning to put what we have learned over the past 8 weeks into action and share our own stories and growth with others, and hopefully bless them through it.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
My Perfect Day: Dream Lake
This past week we went on our fly fishing trip to Estes Park, Colorado…and on Saturday we went to a place up in the Rocky Mountain National Park called Dream Lake. And Saturday was not a dream, even though it felt like one. I told Cory and Xan at the end of the day: “That might have been the best day of my life!”
The 4 of us guys, Xan, Cory, and our guides Ron, Tim, and Andy headed out to Rocky Mountain National Park on Saturday morning (the last full day of our fly fishing trip) with our sights set on reaching a glacier lake at the elevation of over 10,000 ft. called: Dream Lake…We ran into a full parking lot at the trail head and we ended up turning around and loading onto a tour bus (with a crowd of tourist) at the bottom of the mountain in order to get to the trail head. (this is a story in itself that ill write about in a future blog).
Finally, reaching the trail head we strapped on all of our fly fishing gear including a float tube and flippers and we head up the trail towards Dream Lake. After a mile hike up the trail and through a little snow we cross a creek and I see the lake…it’s the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen. The water was like glass and you could see straight to the bottom, two massive peaks rising into the sky behind the lake, pines all around it and boulders surrounding the banks. We were fishing for a rare trout called the “green back cut throat,” and we could see them swimming everywhere because the water was so clear. By this point my was pumping with excitement and anticipation, I was ready to catch some fish!
Ron said “Campbell, follow me! Let’s go to the other side and get out on the boulders in the middle of the lake!” So I followed him on a side trail through more snow and down to the opposite bank. We waded through the icy water out to a rock where I tied on an ant fly that I had tied the night before.
This is what made the day so special for me…the night before Ron and Tim showed Xan, Cory, and me how to tie flies. I asked him to show me how to tie a fly that would work well at Dream Lake and Tim showed me how to tie an ant.
So I’m out in the middle of this gorgeous heaven like lake and I’m sitting on a rock trying to decide what to tie on first, and I thought “when would be a better time to catch a trout on a fly that I tied myself?” so I chose my ant. After a few casts I landed my first trout of the day! It was a spiritual experience to be taught the art of fly fishing then the art of tying flies from older men who have gone before me. Their was more to it than just catching the fish. I had been shown the way and directed, and through humbly seeking the instruction from our guides I had accomplished something that not many men can say they have done. I had caught a green back cut throat trout at Dream Lake on a fly that I tied the night before, in the company of the men who had shown and taught me the way.
I stayed on that rock the rest of the day catching fish after fish, often I was mesmerized by the world around me, I would be distracted by the mountains and just stand there in awe of what I had entered into… I was standing in a post card! I would focus on fishing for a while then take a moment to soak it all in. The beauty around me was magnificent, and I felt close to God. His glory was all around me and as I continued to catch fish my heart began to feel a part of this beautiful picture. “I was made for this!”
I will never forget the end of the day though. The sun was getting low and about to go down behind the mountains and I had caught 9 fish and I wanted 10 sooo bad (I felt like I was 9 under going into 18 wanting just one more birdie!). The afternoon sun was shining on the lake and a fly hatch was starting to hover over the water. I had about 30 feet of line out and I was whipping it through the air trying to get my fly deep into the center of the lake where a school of fish was. I felt uplifted by Ron and Tim’s words of affirmation as they expressed their delight in my form. It was the point that I truly came into my form and felt confident with my casting…I felt a peace, and a sense of belonging among all that was wild surrounding me.
When I was out on that rock in the afternoon sun Ron yelled from another rock “You look like that guy from A River Runs Through It!” Ron was talking about Paul…I was shocked that he had said that. It was a reconfirmation from God that I am becoming the man that I am meant to be. The reason this was so significant to me was because while we were on our backpacking trip in Wyoming the first week of Training Ground Xan and Cory gave us all characters from movies that depicted our personalities and stories…They gave me Paul that week. Im seeing Paul come out in me more and more, to the point that Ron saw him in me.
On that perfect Saturday I came close to catching #10 but it wasn’t meant to be, and it left me wanting more. Not just more fish, but more peace among the wild, more exploration of the unknown, more men to show me the way, and more delight from the Father.
The 4 of us guys, Xan, Cory, and our guides Ron, Tim, and Andy headed out to Rocky Mountain National Park on Saturday morning (the last full day of our fly fishing trip) with our sights set on reaching a glacier lake at the elevation of over 10,000 ft. called: Dream Lake…We ran into a full parking lot at the trail head and we ended up turning around and loading onto a tour bus (with a crowd of tourist) at the bottom of the mountain in order to get to the trail head. (this is a story in itself that ill write about in a future blog).
Finally, reaching the trail head we strapped on all of our fly fishing gear including a float tube and flippers and we head up the trail towards Dream Lake. After a mile hike up the trail and through a little snow we cross a creek and I see the lake…it’s the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen. The water was like glass and you could see straight to the bottom, two massive peaks rising into the sky behind the lake, pines all around it and boulders surrounding the banks. We were fishing for a rare trout called the “green back cut throat,” and we could see them swimming everywhere because the water was so clear. By this point my was pumping with excitement and anticipation, I was ready to catch some fish!
Ron said “Campbell, follow me! Let’s go to the other side and get out on the boulders in the middle of the lake!” So I followed him on a side trail through more snow and down to the opposite bank. We waded through the icy water out to a rock where I tied on an ant fly that I had tied the night before.
This is what made the day so special for me…the night before Ron and Tim showed Xan, Cory, and me how to tie flies. I asked him to show me how to tie a fly that would work well at Dream Lake and Tim showed me how to tie an ant.
So I’m out in the middle of this gorgeous heaven like lake and I’m sitting on a rock trying to decide what to tie on first, and I thought “when would be a better time to catch a trout on a fly that I tied myself?” so I chose my ant. After a few casts I landed my first trout of the day! It was a spiritual experience to be taught the art of fly fishing then the art of tying flies from older men who have gone before me. Their was more to it than just catching the fish. I had been shown the way and directed, and through humbly seeking the instruction from our guides I had accomplished something that not many men can say they have done. I had caught a green back cut throat trout at Dream Lake on a fly that I tied the night before, in the company of the men who had shown and taught me the way.
I stayed on that rock the rest of the day catching fish after fish, often I was mesmerized by the world around me, I would be distracted by the mountains and just stand there in awe of what I had entered into… I was standing in a post card! I would focus on fishing for a while then take a moment to soak it all in. The beauty around me was magnificent, and I felt close to God. His glory was all around me and as I continued to catch fish my heart began to feel a part of this beautiful picture. “I was made for this!”
I will never forget the end of the day though. The sun was getting low and about to go down behind the mountains and I had caught 9 fish and I wanted 10 sooo bad (I felt like I was 9 under going into 18 wanting just one more birdie!). The afternoon sun was shining on the lake and a fly hatch was starting to hover over the water. I had about 30 feet of line out and I was whipping it through the air trying to get my fly deep into the center of the lake where a school of fish was. I felt uplifted by Ron and Tim’s words of affirmation as they expressed their delight in my form. It was the point that I truly came into my form and felt confident with my casting…I felt a peace, and a sense of belonging among all that was wild surrounding me.
When I was out on that rock in the afternoon sun Ron yelled from another rock “You look like that guy from A River Runs Through It!” Ron was talking about Paul…I was shocked that he had said that. It was a reconfirmation from God that I am becoming the man that I am meant to be. The reason this was so significant to me was because while we were on our backpacking trip in Wyoming the first week of Training Ground Xan and Cory gave us all characters from movies that depicted our personalities and stories…They gave me Paul that week. Im seeing Paul come out in me more and more, to the point that Ron saw him in me.
On that perfect Saturday I came close to catching #10 but it wasn’t meant to be, and it left me wanting more. Not just more fish, but more peace among the wild, more exploration of the unknown, more men to show me the way, and more delight from the Father.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Afternoon Delight
Pleasure would not be the same without hardship. Good would not be noticeable without a contrast. Mountain biking and fly fishing would not be the same without work.
Work is the main substance of Training Ground, but the best part of work is getting off for the day with a few hours of sunlight left! I’ll leave the work site with trout on my mind, get my gear together at the cabin, hop on my bike with my fly rod on my back, and head up to the reservoir! It’s a 20 minuet bike ride up to the first reservoir in the mountains behind the cabin.
The hill going up to these reservoirs is long and steep, and we always have to end up walking our bikes up this steep trail, but last Tuesday I told myself I was going to get to the top of this trail without stopping to walk my bike. I set my mind to it and made it! This was physically and mentally one of the hardest things I’ve done since being in Colorado, but I made it and now I could enjoy the rewards of my pain………Trout!
Without the struggle, fly fishing would not be as sweet…I’m learning more and more that the beauty of life comes through anguish. The struggle is God’s way of refining us into who he has made us to be. Embracing the fight that comes with the pain, through the faith that God’s hand is guiding us, is how we grow as men.
The saddest picture is when men fear the agony so much that as soon as the trail begins to get steep and the pedals are hard to turn, they quit by accepting their failure by turning around and going back to the comfort of the cabin…these men will never learn what it takes to fight for their desires. They will never affirm that they have what it takes. These men don’t see the big picture of what God is doing in their lives and they miss the glory that He has in store for them at the top of the mountain, so they just accept defeat with a careless heart and never challenge themselves again because they don’t want to experience the anguish again.
This becomes a life wasted and a generation lost…
God has everything to offer if only we will follow…he will take us up some steep and slippery slopes, but what he offers at the top is a world and life of strength, mystery, and beauty.
Work is the main substance of Training Ground, but the best part of work is getting off for the day with a few hours of sunlight left! I’ll leave the work site with trout on my mind, get my gear together at the cabin, hop on my bike with my fly rod on my back, and head up to the reservoir! It’s a 20 minuet bike ride up to the first reservoir in the mountains behind the cabin.
The hill going up to these reservoirs is long and steep, and we always have to end up walking our bikes up this steep trail, but last Tuesday I told myself I was going to get to the top of this trail without stopping to walk my bike. I set my mind to it and made it! This was physically and mentally one of the hardest things I’ve done since being in Colorado, but I made it and now I could enjoy the rewards of my pain………Trout!
Without the struggle, fly fishing would not be as sweet…I’m learning more and more that the beauty of life comes through anguish. The struggle is God’s way of refining us into who he has made us to be. Embracing the fight that comes with the pain, through the faith that God’s hand is guiding us, is how we grow as men.
The saddest picture is when men fear the agony so much that as soon as the trail begins to get steep and the pedals are hard to turn, they quit by accepting their failure by turning around and going back to the comfort of the cabin…these men will never learn what it takes to fight for their desires. They will never affirm that they have what it takes. These men don’t see the big picture of what God is doing in their lives and they miss the glory that He has in store for them at the top of the mountain, so they just accept defeat with a careless heart and never challenge themselves again because they don’t want to experience the anguish again.
This becomes a life wasted and a generation lost…
God has everything to offer if only we will follow…he will take us up some steep and slippery slopes, but what he offers at the top is a world and life of strength, mystery, and beauty.
Saturday, June 9, 2007
11 Mile Canyon
Today I caught my first trout on a fly rod! I could not have chosen a better place or time to learn how to fly fish. We have 3 of the most knowledgable fly guides, and I'm learning details about the sport that some men dont learn in 40 years of fishing. These men are passing down skills and wisdom that they have learned over their lifetime to us, and we are being led into the world of flyfishing.The greatest part of learning from Ron, Tim, and Andy is the fact that we are being taught the correct and proper way to fly fish. This sport comes with so much common knowledge that without older and wiser men to teach us we would be lost....and without fish. But I love the idea that today I steped foot into a raging river with the fear of failure and no confidence in my form. Ron took me to his favorite hole "Old Faithful" and with patience he guided me on what to do in every situation. I had a few hits and one hook but I had not landed one....after a couple hours on the river I told Ron that I would give him a cigar if he would guide me to catch my first ever trout. So he accepted and led me to a hole where we hid behind a boulder and Ron pointed me towards where to cast my fly. In about 3 or 4 casts I caught a 10 inch rainbow trout!
Along with the skill of fly fishing I realized something today, I trusted Ron. I trusted in every word he said to me, knowing that it came from the wisdom and knowledge of years of experience. I never second guessed him or even doubted. Even in my failure I knew that if I was patient and continued to follow Ron's teaching, then I would develop the correct form and eventually succeed.I was initiated into flyfishing today by Ron the same way that God initiates me throughout life, but the difference is that I dont usually trust God. I tend to do things my own way, no matter what God is trying to teach me. God will point me in a certian direction and I baisically cast my fly in the opposite direction, on the rocks or in the thorn bushes, but I dont care because I did it my way. I dont need direction, I can handle this life on my own, I'll succeed in my own way...
Soon enough I've broken my line, lost all my flies, and more importantly I haven't caught any fish.
Through the context of fly fishing and faith in Ron's teaching I caught my first trout. Now if I could only trust God with the same faith.
Soon enough I've broken my line, lost all my flies, and more importantly I haven't caught any fish.
Through the context of fly fishing and faith in Ron's teaching I caught my first trout. Now if I could only trust God with the same faith.Saturday, June 2, 2007
My Desire
Adventure has always been something that I've loved, and I cant seem to get enough. When I was growing up I satisfied this desire for exploration and adventure through fishing and camping on the golf course where my dad worked. (this doesnt sound to adventurous but the course was out in the country west of Nashville, it had lakes, streams, and rolling hills that we would explore when we wern't playing golf). Anyway, my brother Clark and I made it feel as far away from society as possible by packing all our gear in backpacks and hiking down the streams in the summer and setting up camp on a rock island or a river bank. At least it felt like the real thing.
This was fun for a while, but I wanted the real thing! I have always desired adventure, and this side of me was to some sort suppressed by growing up on the golf course. To a certian extent this desire is why I love golf so much, because it is played outside in nature. I loved that aspect of it, but it was to safe for me I needed something dangerous. I had no place to take these desires, and no one to take me out in the wild and teach me how to meet these needs.
This was partly due to my determination as a golfer, and the fact that I was so focused on my goal of college golf that I ignored my longing for the outdoors.
As I said I grew up on a golf course, but this wasnt just any golf course it was a private, high class, members only course, and I got to play for free everyday! So I took advantage of my opportunity as a golfer, and ended up practically living out there! My point is that I was constantly around older wealthy high class men. Some were great men and I learned alot from them, if anything I learned how to approach these men without hesitation and have conversations with them...I look back and see this as a blessing, it was a privelage to be in their company.
The main reason I say this is to paint a picture of a boy who grew up in a mans world, It was a blessing. At the same time it was a proper society of men and women who lived in a comfortable world, and it was secure and predictable. I was a boy who wanted adventure and wilderness, I didnt want to be tamed by the society that I was brought up in. I needed adventure, risk, and danger.
I didnt realize this until our backpacking trip 2 weeks ago. I mean I always knew I had it in me, but God spoke to me out in the wilderness of Wyoming, standing on the top of a 13,000 ft. summit I said to myself "I was made for this!" The desire i've always felt as I grew up was met during that week in the mountains.Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Crossing Kansas
A little over a week ago I drove from my hometown of Nashville, Tennessee across the midwest through Kansas and into the beautiful state of Colorado. My new home was unknown, my soon to be friends were unknown, and every thing that was known in my life I was leaving behind.
Crossing Kansas took what seemed to be a lifetime...it was the most alone I'd ever felt in my life. Driving through grassy fields of nothing but the occasional cow or barn, made me ask the question: "who the heck would live out here?!?" It was a truly an empty and desolate land. This gave me time to think and ask more questions. "Why was I leaving everything that was good and comfortable for something that was so unfamiliar and distant?" Soon my heart was the same as the lie of the land around me...flat and empty.
I was alone in this, "What have I gotten myself into!" It would be so much easier to just stay at home with my family and friends and be comfortable...but I knew that God had a reason for bringing me into this. The fear was lessened when I met the 3 guys that I've been living with for the last week, and Xan and Cory. It has been an eye opening experience so far, from summiting a 13,000ft. mountain in Wyoming on a 6 day journey in the wilderness..to my first day of work as a painter tomorrow..to learning more about Josh, Adam, and Daniel..to eating steaks and smoking cigars with John Eldredge last night! It has been a blessing from God for me to be out here.
But I have to go back to the fear..Crossing Kansas spoke to who I am and soon to be who I was. The fear came from stepping into something with total trust in the Lord and his plan for me. I have come to realize that my loneliness came from never before steping away from the comfort of my life, and truely being on my own. I've learned what it means and feels like to trust in God even if it scares the hell out of me.
Now that I am out of Kansas and in Colorado the geography of my heart is beginning to match the geography of the land. Trusting in God and what he is doing in my soul through this experience is changing the way I see life and God. I am learning just how intentional God is with everything under the sun.
Crossing Kansas took what seemed to be a lifetime...it was the most alone I'd ever felt in my life. Driving through grassy fields of nothing but the occasional cow or barn, made me ask the question: "who the heck would live out here?!?" It was a truly an empty and desolate land. This gave me time to think and ask more questions. "Why was I leaving everything that was good and comfortable for something that was so unfamiliar and distant?" Soon my heart was the same as the lie of the land around me...flat and empty.
I was alone in this, "What have I gotten myself into!" It would be so much easier to just stay at home with my family and friends and be comfortable...but I knew that God had a reason for bringing me into this. The fear was lessened when I met the 3 guys that I've been living with for the last week, and Xan and Cory. It has been an eye opening experience so far, from summiting a 13,000ft. mountain in Wyoming on a 6 day journey in the wilderness..to my first day of work as a painter tomorrow..to learning more about Josh, Adam, and Daniel..to eating steaks and smoking cigars with John Eldredge last night! It has been a blessing from God for me to be out here.
But I have to go back to the fear..Crossing Kansas spoke to who I am and soon to be who I was. The fear came from stepping into something with total trust in the Lord and his plan for me. I have come to realize that my loneliness came from never before steping away from the comfort of my life, and truely being on my own. I've learned what it means and feels like to trust in God even if it scares the hell out of me.
Now that I am out of Kansas and in Colorado the geography of my heart is beginning to match the geography of the land. Trusting in God and what he is doing in my soul through this experience is changing the way I see life and God. I am learning just how intentional God is with everything under the sun.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
